Twilight

So the other day me and my cousin went to catch the latest film that seemed to have a death grip over teenage fangirls. It had vampires. Raw Sexual Chemistry. And of course a damsel in distress. IT'S TWILIGHT. *GASP*

Aside from the fact that the movie was based off some mid-aged woman's sexual fantasies. It was a bad movie. I take that back. The fantasies were gross.

Reasons why the movie failed :

-Vampires Sparkle. Yes they stuck diamonds all over Pattinson's white ass and took off his shirt. End scene.

-The hills RUN. The green screen fucking failed. The hills were running instead of fag Pattinson and his girlfriend.

-Where are the fucking werewolves? Jacob Black was a puppy. Nuff said.

-Damn that bitch was annoying. Her name was so forgettable, I forgot it.

-Coloured Contacts. Because only vampires can afford them?

-Failed Fight Scenes. Oh Dear God. Pre-School children are more brutal

*Koff* Moving on

THE BOOKS

Okay truth be told I didn't read all the books. 

But to my knowledge, girl falls for vampire. Book 1. 

Girl falls for Werewolf. Book 2. 

Vampire fights werewolf over girl. Book 3. 

Girl gets knocked up with Vampire. Book 4. 

There ya go.

I'd like to point out, that Cullen is a 100 year old walking corpse. He would have massive erectile dysfunction. Dead sperm. And even dead-er nerves. So with his flopping inpotent wang, he impregnated our sweet Bella. How nice.

But WAIT. It gets graphic. In the last book where Bella's knocked up with a demonic vampire. The vampire slowly kills her from within. But No. It's not a happy ending.

Cullen's gay ass ripped her womb apart with his bloody claws, tore the demonic satan's spawn out of her stomach and freed his post-natal lover from more pain.

That's human anatomy for you folks. Because Vampires are fucking surgeons.

End Post

Quote of the Post - Twilight is a mid-aged womans wet dream. And we all love it!