Twilight

So the other day me and my cousin went to catch the latest film that seemed to have a death grip over teenage fangirls. It had vampires. Raw Sexual Chemistry. And of course a damsel in distress. IT'S TWILIGHT. *GASP*

Aside from the fact that the movie was based off some mid-aged woman's sexual fantasies. It was a bad movie. I take that back. The fantasies were gross.

Reasons why the movie failed :

-Vampires Sparkle. Yes they stuck diamonds all over Pattinson's white ass and took off his shirt. End scene.

-The hills RUN. The green screen fucking failed. The hills were running instead of fag Pattinson and his girlfriend.

-Where are the fucking werewolves? Jacob Black was a puppy. Nuff said.

-Damn that bitch was annoying. Her name was so forgettable, I forgot it.

-Coloured Contacts. Because only vampires can afford them?

-Failed Fight Scenes. Oh Dear God. Pre-School children are more brutal

*Koff* Moving on

THE BOOKS

Okay truth be told I didn't read all the books. 

But to my knowledge, girl falls for vampire. Book 1. 

Girl falls for Werewolf. Book 2. 

Vampire fights werewolf over girl. Book 3. 

Girl gets knocked up with Vampire. Book 4. 

There ya go.

I'd like to point out, that Cullen is a 100 year old walking corpse. He would have massive erectile dysfunction. Dead sperm. And even dead-er nerves. So with his flopping inpotent wang, he impregnated our sweet Bella. How nice.

But WAIT. It gets graphic. In the last book where Bella's knocked up with a demonic vampire. The vampire slowly kills her from within. But No. It's not a happy ending.

Cullen's gay ass ripped her womb apart with his bloody claws, tore the demonic satan's spawn out of her stomach and freed his post-natal lover from more pain.

That's human anatomy for you folks. Because Vampires are fucking surgeons.

End Post

Quote of the Post - Twilight is a mid-aged womans wet dream. And we all love it!

Disney Cartoons

How many of you noticed that mickey doesn't wear a shirt

Donald doesn't wear pants

And this..

How many of you, see a three-eyed mouse flashing flashing her panties to KID audiences. 

I know I do.

And Ironically. Parents force this disney crap all over them. Yes. You parents are indirectly prepping your children for a life of porn. Congrats

Okay. You would say it's unfair to pick on old cartoons.

OH DEAR GOD. Nuff said.

Is Disney sending subliminal messages to children? SHOULD they be allowed to watch this?

End Post

Quote of the post - Donald does not wear pants, but he wraps a towel round his waist after a shower.

Rap songs?

So I was taking a lil break from my frantic blogging spurt. Scrolling up and down iTunes looking for a suitable song to satisfy my musical craving. Wait. Whats THIS !? I wanna fuck you by Akon !? A rap song? In my iTunes !? I gotta try this!

And oh dear GOD I regretted that decision.

Does anyone actually appreciate the lyrics?

Do they have meaning?

His songs, molest you with the lyrics. 

Smack That?

 I wanna Fuck you? 

I wanna make love right now?

IS THAT SOMEHOW APPEALING TO YOU!? (It's not Akon but still :/ )

Can you imagine all of them in a recording studio, Akon with a huge boner in hand, getting prepped to make love to the world.

Well okay maybe it's not big enough a reason to hate on him. But listening to another man's mating calls isn't cool !

Quote of the Post - RAP ISN'T MUSIC

Worlds most awkward conversations

So this is basically what happens when the average IQ of people around you are below 10.

(Darren walks into a local 7/11 store)

Darren: Nak bli kredit maxis 50 ringgit

(Clerk being the racist bitch she is, ignores me)

Darren: Kredit maxis Limapluh ._.

Clerk: Kredit maxis takde limapluh. Ada 10,30,60 jer

(Darren facepalms for the whole store to awe at)

Darren: Ambik 1 tigapluh and 2 spluh laaa

(Clerk has an internal seizure trying to understand the concept of two smaller amounts of phone airtime)

TWO Ten ringgits? One Thirty? Thats physically impossible ! This Chinese boy is retarded ! Oh Dear God.

Yeh. Go figure

Quote of the post - There are no stupid questions, Only stupid people

So it's the very first fucking post!

Sitting here at home for the third week of my summer holidays, it finally dawned on me how empty and unfulfilling a life of basement dwelling is. So with a brand new EMPTY blog I shall post about life and yes it's a half ass-ed attempt BUT hey it kills time. So lets not waste time with stupid introductions and dive balls deep in a pool of piss known as blogging. ENJOY

Quote of the post - Friendship is like pissing yourself, everyone can see it but only YOU feel the warmth it brings